But I pirated the word of Jesus Christ. Jk jk, but seriously dude, if it seems remotely like pirating they won't help here. Go to Google and type whatever you want there. Or better yet, Wolfgram Alpha it.
The only way people here will help you is if you ripped the junk you have off of a CD that you own.

Sorry, you'll have to go someplace else, because the law can smash these forums with the ban hammer pretty hard if we helpz a pirate.
On a lighter note:
http://www.cristgaming.com/pirate.swf