Thread: My Short Story

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  1. #1 My Short Story 
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    Here is my short story i wrote for English Comp. and Lit. 1

    Its about a corrupted government in the future, and a terrorist group out to change it, and a little boy among the chaos.

    the boys story is a little under developed, but i was in a rush, and i am now since i need to get to class.
    Please read it and give me some input...


    http://www.sendspace.com/file/ia0j0q
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  2. #2  
    Senior Member I Modded My PSP cmcd14's Avatar
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    have you seen the movie V for Vendetta?....i dunno White House = Parliment to me. Personally, if it was the group's biggest attack, they wouldn't destroy the White House, they would destroy Congress. i dunno, just a thought.
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  3. #3  
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    well yeah, its not really meant for the actual story itself, or else i would make it a screenplay haha, but its just mainly for the teachers sake, and literary elements... also i liked the 2 stories into 1 thing, and thanks for reading it man!
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  4. #4  
    Senior Member PSP Elite Hacker matrixsucks's Avatar
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    Martha, the broad I ****ed last night, the one I woke up with this morning, is one of the many members of our group
    awkward
    They have signed peace treaties with other nations to end the violent wars, and yet decide it is okay to blow up their cities, and governments full of innocent people
    ...to blow up their cities and governments full of innocent people. (no comma)


    There were a lot of awkward sentences, and it all seemed a little rushed. Perhaps describe the ride to the white house? More on the structure of The Resistance Organization. I really have no clue what is going on. Which wars, which governments. I may sound harsh, but I'm not meaning to . I'm just trying to give ideas to make it more cohesive and gripping . Good start

    Didn't you write this a long time ago?
    Today has been the most beautiful day I've ever seen.
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  5. #5  
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    the begining i did, i had to add in a few more things in the end, hency why it seemed rushed, i mean my professor, for some odd reason, loves me.. i got a 95 on my research paper, which she had to write after every quote, my citation, and so many mistakes, but yet i got a 95...
    i mean i understand, constructive critism, i love it, it just helps to make the grade higher, im not worried about the grade, but a 100, perfect grade, would be fine and dandy with me!

    thanks for taking the time to read it!
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