Thread: Why Santa Can't Exist Mathematically.

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  1. #1 Why Santa Can't Exist Mathematically. 
    Senior Member I Modded My PSP Euphoriawearsprada's Avatar
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    # There are approximately 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist religions, this reduced the workload for Christmas might to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least 1 good child in each.

    # Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of out calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.7 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving 650 miles per second - 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

    # The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with 8 or even 9 of them - Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

    # 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousands of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the 5th house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per second in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centripetal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

    # Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
    Comsmological Quantum Physics suggests, that if this universe is as real as we believe it is, it must have been cast into reality by an external observer. A god? And yet paradoxically, how can their be anything external in an all inclusive universe?

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  2. #2  
    I'm Pitching A Tent PSP Elite Hacker Chriscyco30's Avatar
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    Someone's getting coal for Christmas.
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  3. #3  
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    Simple, he's magic, doesn't your dumbass watch tv?
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  4. #4  
    KmR
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    Wtf, this changes everything...
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  5. #5  
    Senior Member I Modded My PSP Euphoriawearsprada's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Potticus View Post
    Simple, he's magic, doesn't your dumbass watch tv?
    Television. Lololololol.
    Comsmological Quantum Physics suggests, that if this universe is as real as we believe it is, it must have been cast into reality by an external observer. A god? And yet paradoxically, how can their be anything external in an all inclusive universe?

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  6. #6  
    Senior Member PSP Mad Hacker Darkthunder90's Avatar
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    You want a scientific explanation?

    Lots of coffee and a time machine.

    There you go.
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  7. #7  
    Senior Member PSP Elite Hacker Switchblades's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Euphoriawearsprada View Post
    # There are approximately 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist religions, this reduced the workload for Christmas might to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least 1 good child in each.

    # Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of out calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.7 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving 650 miles per second - 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

    # The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with 8 or even 9 of them - Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

    # 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousands of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the 5th house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per second in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centripetal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

    # Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
    Nice copypasta.

    Think of something original.
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  8. #8  
    KmR
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    Hater. Was a good read to me.
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  9. #9  
    Senior Member I Modded My PSP Euphoriawearsprada's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Switchblades View Post
    Nice copypasta.

    Think of something original.

    Uh, k.
    lolololol.
    Comsmological Quantum Physics suggests, that if this universe is as real as we believe it is, it must have been cast into reality by an external observer. A god? And yet paradoxically, how can their be anything external in an all inclusive universe?

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  10. #10  
    Texas Hellboy PSP Elite Hacker xavis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Switchblades View Post
    Nice copypasta.

    Think of something original.
    who cares if its a copy and paste, its interesting

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  11. #11  
    bunnies ate my brain PSP Elite Hacker clwnz's Avatar
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    Its obvious they're all mutants.
    I mean seriously, what kind of reindeer has a red glowing nose?

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  12. #12  
    Senior Member I Modded My PSP SammyJman72's Avatar
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    santa is tim allen. dont you watch tv?

    Yeah, monsters are so AWESOME!
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  13. #13  
    Is that a whale?! PSP Elite Hacker fuckingclassy's Avatar
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    Best thing I've read on this site. Ever.
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  14. #14  
    Texas Hellboy PSP Elite Hacker xavis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SammyJman72 View Post
    santa is tim allen. dont you watch tv?
    man thats old...but cool as hell

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  15. #15  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darkthunder90 View Post
    You want a scientific explanation?

    Lots of coffee and a time machine.

    There you go.
    And speed....LOTS of speed...

    Quote Originally Posted by iedwardsIII
    In the words of DFS, go die.

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