Thread: Chuck Noris jokes

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  1. #1 Chuck Noris jokes 
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    Sinces i started a thread about pure evil(Kevin Grullon aka asshole) i wanted to start a funny one so give every fact you know about chuck noris.

    1. Chuck Noris doesn't go hunting, He goes killing
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  2. #2  
    Senior Member PSP Mad Hacker crimsn's Avatar
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    2.Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
    3.Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
    4.Chuck Norrisâà ƒÆ’¢â€šà ƒâ€šÃ‚¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â⠀šÂ¬Ã…¾Ã‚¢s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.
    5.Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
    last one! 6.Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

    an actual funny topic!
    tnx drizz
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  3. #3  
    Senior Member PSP Mad Hacker Dende00's Avatar
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    The ribbed condom inside out is a good one. I know nothin bout Chuck Norris. other than 7. he can prob kick ur ass. That was an actual fact.
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  4. #4  
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    If u see chuck noris he sees u, if you don't see chuck noris you are already dead
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  5. #5  
    Senior Member PSP Mad Hacker crimsn's Avatar
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    9.There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
    10.The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
    11.Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris. this is the funniest one ever!
    tnx drizz
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  6. #6  
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    12. chuck noris can eat a rubik's cube and crap it out solved
    13. Red bull main ingredients is chuck noris's piss.
    14. When chuck noris goes to the gym the machines do not work out chuck noris, chuck noris works out the machines
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  7. #7  
    Senior Member PSP Elite Hacker demondude777's Avatar
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    I think these are the two best:

    1. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity twice.
    2. Chuck Norris has been dead for 5 years, however the Grim Reaper is too afraid to tell him.

    June 2005 - PSP homebrewed
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    Embrace both handhelds the way they weren't meant to be played!

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  8. #8  
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    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isnâà ’¢â€šÃ €šÃ‚¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â†šÂ¬Ã…¾Ã‚¢t lifting himself up, heÃƒÆ’Ã†â€™Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â¢ÃƒÆ ’¢â€šÃ⠀šÃ‚¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â†¬Å¾Ã‚¢s pushing the Earth down.
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  9. #9  
    Senior Member PSP Mad Hacker Darkthunder90's Avatar
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    1.Chuck Norris doesn't read books he stares at them until he gets the information he wants.
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  10. #10  
    Senior Member PSP Elite Hacker
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    why do people obsess ove this guy, its all i,outside,here it never stops!!
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  11. #11  
    Senior Member I Modded My PSP uprising's Avatar
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    cause chuck norris was a badass motherfucker, but bruce lee killed him

    PSP 1.5 // 3.40 OE-A // Steam = inteloutside4
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  12. #12  
    Senior Member PSP Mad Hacker stinkypitz's Avatar
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    chuck norris CAN belive its not butter.

    Chuck norris doesnt get wet. The water gets Chuck norris.

    ^drizzle = jesus of photoshop
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  13. #13  
    Retired Moderator PSP Elite Hacker Julie's Avatar
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    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    Chuck Norris isnt hung like a horse....a horse is hung like Chuck Norris

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

    One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

    Chuck Norris doesnÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢à ƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡à ‚Â¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â⠚¬Å¾Ã‚¢t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Indian.

    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

    Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.

    The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

    There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

    Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

    Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

    Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

    Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

    The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

    Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship

    Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

    Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

    When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

    A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

    When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

    Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

    When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

    In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".

    If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

    Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

    Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky".

    As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

    Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

    Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon.

    Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then shout at them, ÃƒÆ’Ã†â€™Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â¢ÃƒÆ Ã‚Â¢ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…Â¡Ãƒâ šÃ‚Â¬ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Â¦ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â €šÂ¬Ã…“Trix are for Chuck Norris.⠃ƒ¢â€š ƒâ€šÃ‚¬Ãƒâ€š?

    Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.

    Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

    At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

    Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris
    can kill him and take it.

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the
    speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was
    flying over the Pacific Ocean.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
    information he wants.

    If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
    till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the

    Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

    Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided
    to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

    Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths
    have increased 13,000 percent.

    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
    unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
    finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
    back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
    should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
    the month.

    Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
    stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
    Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered,
    Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the
    crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

    Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could
    chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME
    IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his
    girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't !!!! with
    Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this
    statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of
    the blast went deaf.

    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
    assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
    deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
    "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous
    of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have
    Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse
    kick related deaths.

    To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15
    cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of
    cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that,
    Lance Armstrong.

    There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

    Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

    Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school
    football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to
    let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused
    kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang
    every girl in the stadium.

    The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
    Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
    starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
    drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
    much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
    names for his left and right legs.

    When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera
    or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no
    wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He
    always makes it to Oregon before you.

    It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate,
    but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
    him. Pirates never were very smart.

    Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
    We know this beverage as Red Bull.
    R.I.P Zoidberg
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  14. #14  
    Senior Member PSP Elite Hacker drizzle's Avatar
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    A guy at my work has a chuck norris poster hanging on the outside of his cubical with a sign that reads:
    "When Chuck Norris wants a salad, he eats a vegetarian"
    Before you post please
    Read the sticky's Read the manual Use the search button Google it

    Drizzle's so cool he sh*ts icecubes.
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  15. #15  
    Senior Member PSP Elite Hacker IONz's Avatar
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    wasn't it you drizzle and TriPod that would just go back and forth with chuck norris jokes all day at work? haha

    "Think for yourself, question authority" - Timothy Leary
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